CB Answering Machine by Domino's Pizza: A Weirdly Wild Ride
Alright, let’s get one thing straight—this album is weird. Like, "Domino's Pizza made a music album?" weird. But hey, here we are. Released under the label Maim & Disfigure (which sounds more like a metal band than a pizza joint), CB Answering Machine somehow works in its own bizarre way. It’s not gonna win any Grammys, but it sticks with you like that one time you accidentally ordered extra jalapeños on your pizza.
First off, I gotta shout out track 3, “Cheese Pull Philosophy.” Yeah, I know, the title sounds like some pretentious foodie TikTok trend, but trust me, this song slaps. It’s got this funky bassline that feels like your speakers are grooving along with you. The lyrics? Total nonsense—but in a good way. Lines like “Pepperoni doesn’t judge, it just circles the drain” had me laughing and cringing at the same time. Honestly, I can’t tell if they’re being deep or just messing with us, but either way, it’s memorable as hell.
Then there’s track 7, “Late Night Delivery Blues.” This one hit different because, well, haven’t we all been that person calling up Domino’s at 2 AM after a rough night? The beat is slow and kinda haunting, like the feeling of regret when you realize you ate an entire large pizza by yourself. There’s this weird autotune effect on the vocals that keeps you guessing—is it supposed to sound sad? Funny? Both? Who knows, but it works. By the end of it, I was half-convinced my own delivery driver was out there somewhere vibing to this while dodging potholes.
Now, does this album make total sense? Nope. Is it polished and perfect? Not even close. But that’s what makes it so damn fun. You don’t listen to CB Answering Machine for technical mastery—you listen to it because it’s wild, unexpected, and kind of genius in its own messed-up way.
Here’s the kicker though: after listening to this album, I started wondering…if Domino’s ever drops a sequel, will Papa John’s retaliate with their own mixtape? Imagine the beef (pun intended). Forget rap rivalries; pizza wars would be next-level chaos. And honestly, I’m here for it.
