The Life Story of General Custer & Geronimo: A Weirdly Wild Ride Through History
Alright, buckle up, folks. This album isn’t your typical earworm-filled playlist—it’s more like an auditory history lesson disguised as a children’s storytime session. "The Life Story of General Custer & Geronimo" by some mysterious artist (seriously, who is this person?) is one of those odd gems you stumble upon in a dusty corner of a thrift store or buried deep in your grandpa's vinyl collection. It’s quirky, educational, and honestly? Kinda unforgettable.
Let’s break it down real quick. The genres here are listed as “Children's” and “Non-Music,” which should tell you something right off the bat: don’t expect Beyoncé-level vocals or beats that’ll make you want to dance on your kitchen counter. Nope, this is pure storytelling with minimal frills—a little bit like listening to someone read a book aloud while occasionally humming tunelessly in the background. But hey, sometimes simplicity sticks.
Now onto the tracks themselves. There are two biggies: “General Custer” and “Geronimo.” Let me tell ya, these aren’t just names—they’re full-blown adventures crammed into audio form.
First up, we’ve got “General Custer.” If I’m being honest, this track hit different because… well, how do you even talk about such a controversial dude without sounding either way too preachy or super awkward? Somehow, they managed to pull it off. They spin his life story like it’s a campfire tale—equal parts dramatic and kinda funny. Like, imagine hearing about Little Bighorn but instead of feeling sad or mad, you find yourself chuckling at how over-the-top everything sounds. Was he brave? Sure. A little reckless? Absolutely. By the end, I couldn’t help picturing him riding into battle wearing sunglasses and blasting AC/DC. That’s the power of weird storytelling for ya!
Then there’s “Geronimo,” which feels like the cooler older sibling of the two. This track gives you all the grit and glory of Apache resistance wrapped up in a narrative so smooth, it almost tricks you into forgetting you’re technically learning stuff. What stuck with me most was how vividly they painted Geronimo’s defiance against impossible odds. You could practically hear the galloping horses and feel the desert heat. Plus, every time someone says “Geronimo!” after jumping off a swing, you’ll now know exactly where that comes from. Thanks, random Mercury Records album!
So yeah, this whole thing might not win any Grammys (or even show up on Spotify Wrapped), but it’s oddly charming in its own wonky way. It’s the kind of project that makes you think, “Huh, maybe history doesn’t have to be boring after all.”
Final thought: Whoever decided to put together an album combining military leaders and Native American legends probably had no idea they were creating something so delightfully bizarre. Hats off to them—and also, why did nobody ever tell me about this growing up? I mean, if my third-grade teacher had played this during class, I might’ve actually paid attention instead of doodling dinosaurs in my notebook.
In conclusion: Not bad, Mercury Records. Not bad at all. Now if only they’d throw in a kazoo solo next time…
