Album Review: A Universal Series of Events and The Individual Results by You're Wrong Vaginal Pentagram
Alright, buckle up, because this album is... something else. Released in 2016 by the delightfully unhinged-sounding band You're Wrong Vaginal Pentagram, A Universal Series of Events and The Individual Results feels like a chaotic fever dream that blends electronic bleeps, rock riffs, and enough noise to make your eardrums question their life choices. It’s not for everyone, but if you’re into experimental stuff with teeth (and maybe a few sharp edges), this might just be your jam.
Let’s talk genres and styles real quick—this thing straddles electronic and rock vibes while diving headfirst into grindcore chaos and noise madness. Imagine someone took an industrial blender, threw in some Nine Inch Nails leftovers, a dash of Napalm Death intensity, and a sprinkle of “what even is music anymore?” You get the idea. And hey, it’s proudly self-released under Not On Label, which gives it that DIY punk charm.
Now, onto the tracks. I gotta say, there are two songs here that stuck with me like gum on a hot sidewalk: "Baby Boomers & The Catalyst To The Downfall" and "Marrow (For Susan)."
First off, "Baby Boomers & The Catalyst To The Downfall." Man, this track hits HARD. Like, imagine being screamed at by someone who’s really mad about how society turned out, but also kind of right? That’s what this feels like. The song starts with these crunchy guitar riffs that sound like they were recorded inside a trash compactor, then layers on distorted synths that could wake the dead. By the time the vocals kick in—a mix of guttural growls and sarcastic yells—you can’t help but laugh/cringe/nod along. It’s messy as hell, but intentionally so, and that’s why it works. Plus, come on, the title alone deserves applause. Baby boomers really do have a lot to answer for.
Then there’s "Marrow (For Susan)," which closes out the album on a surprisingly emotional note. After all the chaos and noise, this one slows things down with haunting piano chords and eerie ambient sounds. There’s no screaming here, just a sense of melancholy that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Who’s Susan? No clue, but she must’ve meant something big to whoever wrote this. The raw vulnerability in this track makes you pause and think, like, “Oh wow, people actually feel things deeply.” Weird flex, but okay.
Honestly, listening to this album feels like sitting through a performance art piece where everything goes slightly wrong—but in the best way possible. Tracks like "Breeding Neanderthals" and "Mulberry" throw curveballs left and right, keeping you guessing whether you should mosh or cry. Meanwhile, interludes like "Intermission" give you a breather before dragging you back into the madness.
Here’s the kicker though—despite all its weirdness, A Universal Series of Events and The Individual Results sticks with you. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t try too hard to be likable. Instead, it leans fully into its abrasive, unapologetic self, daring you to keep hitting play. And honestly? That’s kinda admirable.
Final thought: If aliens ever invade Earth and ask us to explain human culture, playing them this album might actually work. Or it’d confuse them so much they’d leave. Either way, mission accomplished.
