- Name: aggie
- Surname: anon
- About Me: view first post or;
this is gonna be a place where i just wrote down what i'm feeling, how i am and what i'm up to - basically an online journal. i'm a 15 year old girl who has problems; my mum is an alcoholic and has been for as long as i can remember, i have severe anxiety and social anxiety (explained in more detail later), i struggle with my friends and have major trust issues, i wouldn't say that i have an eating disorder but i find it hard to eat a lot (also explained later).
my family life is alright - most of the time - however sometimes it can be VERY unpleasant. for example sometimes my mum can be really happy and we can be laughing together but then all of a sudden she starts having a go at me :/ - she hasn't ever abused me or anything like that.
my anxiety – basically, i overthink a lot normally and over the past month or so i've been overthinking an awful lot. i know i don't have to worry about stuff, and i've never been a very self conscious person, but all of a sudden i'm starting to feel what it's like. i'm starting to think i'm never good enough for anyone or anything. i feel as though i'm just being used by people and people are using me for a joke. i feel that people i'm around are just taking the piss out of me and doing their best to make me look stupid. and i know it sounds silly but it's just been getting to me an awful lot lately.
ive just got out of a rather short but - very - sweet relationship with a boy i loved dearly; he was my first live, my first kiss - my first for everything.
about my "eating disorder" - as i said, i wouldnt class it as a proper eating disorder - and i dont think im overweight but im never mentally happy with the way i look - i look at other girls my age and they're so much more muscular, so much prettier, so much funnier, so much kinder and so much skinnier than me. people say i'm "so skinny" but i really don't think i am and it's affecting me. i've stopped eating as much - i limit myself to one meal a day but i might have a small snack if i fancy it. i do this because i can squeeze fat on my stomach and i don't like it. my stretch marks on my thighs come and go, i know they aren't a bad thing but i'm always really scared to wear my pe shorts because my stretch marks show. i've started to wear quite thin crop tops because i'm comfy in them but i constantly feel as though people are looking and laughing. i don't think my friends really understand that the fact i don't eat my lunch isn't because i'm not hungry or i don't like it, but it's because i don't want to eat it because i feel like it'll make me fatter. i've always had very broad shoulders, small boobs, wide hips and large thighs - but as a 15 year old living with the society we have today its hard to be 100% happy with the way i look. as i mentioned earlier - ive never been a very self-consious person, i would mever care what people think of me but living in todays society makes its hard, VERY hard.
im friends with a lot of people - ive even been called "the most popular person in our year" because im friends with so many people (there isnt one person in my whole year ive not had a conversation with). im friends with a lot of girls - however im also friends with a lot of boys at the same time. i really enjoy boys sense of humour and everything like that.
