Five Songs From Hell by The Helliphants: A Raw, Unapologetic Rock & Roll Punch to the Gut
Alright, let’s get one thing straight—this album ain’t for the faint of heart. Five Songs From Hell by The Helliphants is a no-frills, balls-to-the-wall rock ‘n’ roll assault that feels like it was brewed in some sweaty, smoke-filled basement in Germany back in 2004. And honestly? That’s exactly why it works.
First off, let’s talk about “Route 666.” This track hits you like a freight train derailed by Satan himself. It’s dirty, loud, and unrelenting—basically everything good rock should be. The riffs are razor-sharp, and the vocals sound like they were recorded through a busted megaphone at a biker rally. You can practically smell the gasoline and leather when this song comes on. What sticks with me most is how unapologetically sleazy it feels. It doesn’t try to be clever or polished; it just grabs you by the throat and demands your attention. If you’re not headbanging within ten seconds, check your pulse—you might already be dead.
Then there’s “Lemmy.” Yeah, THAT Lemmy. This tune is an obvious ode to Motorhead’s legendary frontman, but instead of feeling cheesy or forced, it absolutely slams. The basslines thump harder than a hangover headache, and the lyrics scream pure rebellious worship. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna crank this up while speeding down some abandoned highway late at night? Screw GPS—just follow the sound of distortion and chaos. It’s raw, it’s messy, and it’s got more attitude than half the bands out today combined.
But here’s the kicker: this whole damn album only has FIVE SONGS. Five. No filler tracks, no acoustic ballads trying to soften the blow. Just five hard-hitting blasts of pure adrenaline. In a world where albums often feel bloated with unnecessary crap, Five Songs From Hell keeps it tight and brutal. Respect.
Now, sure, maybe the production quality isn’t gonna win any Grammys (spoiler: it wasn’t even close), but that’s kinda the point. This record feels alive—it breathes fire and spits venom. It’s not perfect, but perfection is boring as hell anyway.
So yeah, if you’re looking for something safe and predictable, keep scrolling. But if you want music that punches you in the face and makes you thank it afterward, give Five Songs From Hell a spin. Just don’t blame me if your neighbors start complaining—or worse, calling the cops.
Oh, and one last thing: whoever thought releasing this gem under “Not On Label” was a good idea clearly had a twisted sense of humor. Either way, props to The Helliphants for sticking it to the man. Now go blast this sucker loud enough to wake the devil himself.
