Alright, let’s dive into this weird little gem of an album, The Contour Method Of Relaxation by some unknown artist. Released way back in 1964 in the US, it’s not your typical music album—heck, it’s not even really "music" in the traditional sense. This one falls under the “Non-Music” genre with styles tagged as Therapy and Promotional. Yeah, you read that right. It’s like someone decided to mix a self-help tape with a sales pitch and slap it on vinyl. The label behind it? Contour Sales Inc., which honestly sounds more like a company selling couches than records.
Now, there are only two tracks here: The Contour Story and The Contour Method Of Relaxation. I’ll be honest—I didn’t expect much going in, but these tracks stuck with me for different reasons.
First up is The Contour Story. It’s basically a narrated history lesson about... well, contours? Or maybe just the brand itself? Honestly, it’s hard to tell. But what makes it memorable is how sincere it feels. Like, whoever wrote this really believed they were changing lives through contour-related knowledge. There’s something oddly charming about its over-the-top enthusiasm—it’s like listening to someone explain why their favorite chair is the key to world peace. You can almost picture them leaning into a microphone, gesturing wildly while sipping coffee from a mug that says “World’s Best Contour Enthusiast.”
Then there’s The Contour Method Of Relaxation, which is exactly what it sounds like—a guide to chilling out using whatever magical method Contour Sales Inc. was peddling back in the day. At first, I thought it would put me to sleep, but instead, it had the opposite effect. It’s hypnotic in the weirdest way possible. The narrator has this calm, borderline robotic tone that’s both soothing and kinda creepy, like ASMR meets a car dealership commercial. By the end, I found myself wondering if I needed to buy a contour pillow or whatever product they were secretly pushing.
What gets me thinking, though, is how albums like this even existed. Back then, people must’ve been eating this stuff up—imagine hosting a dinner party and throwing on The Contour Method Of Relaxation as background vibes. Your friends would either leave inspired or totally confused. Either way, it’s a conversation starter.
So yeah, The Contour Method Of Relaxation isn’t gonna win any Grammys (or even make sense to most folks), but it’s got this quirky charm that sticks with you. If anything, it proves that sometimes the strangest things leave the biggest impression. Oh, and next time you’re stressed, maybe try picturing yourself floating on a contour cloud—it might actually work. Who knows?
