The Caretaker - Selected Memories From The Haunted Ballroom

stephan2006

Review by Stephan Brumbaugh

Selected Memories From The Haunted Ballroom: A Ghostly Journey Through Time There’s something about Selected Memories From The Haunted Ballroom that feels like walking into an old, abandoned theater. You know the kind—dusty chandeliers, cracked mirrors, and faint echoes of laughter from decades past. Released in 1999 by The Caretaker (a project as haunting as its name), this album is less of a listen and more of an experience. It’s not just classical or electronic; it’s noise, dark ambient, experimental techno—all mashed together in ways that make you question what music even is anymore. And honestly? That’s kinda the point. The UK-German collaboration between labels V/Vm Test Records and History Always Favours The Winners gives this record a raw edge, but it’s The Caretaker himself who pulls all the strings here—arranging, compiling, producing. He doesn’t just create soundscapes; he builds worlds. Worlds where memories fade, time warps, and ghosts linger around every corner. Let me tell ya about two tracks that stuck with me like gum on a shoe. First up, “Thronged With Ghosts.” This one hits different. Imagine standing alone at midnight in a ballroom frozen in time. The piano stumbles over itself, notes trailing off like forgotten thoughts. There’s this eerie hum beneath it all, almost imperceptible, like someone whispering secrets too quiet for you to catch. Every time I hear it, I swear I can feel cold fingers brushing against my neck. Creepy? Yeah. But also beautiful in a way that makes your chest ache. Then there’s “Midnight, The Stars And You,” which flips nostalgia on its head. At first, it sounds sweet—a waltz straight out of some golden-age Hollywood film. But then the distortion creeps in, warping the melody until it feels...wrong. Like looking at a photograph that’s been left out in the rain. It’s comforting and unsettling at the same time, like remembering a dream you’re not sure really happened. By the end, I’m always left wondering if I should smile or cry. This album isn’t easy listening—it’s challenging, messy, imperfect. And maybe that’s why it works so well. It doesn’t try to be perfect. Instead, it embraces decay, loss, and confusion. Listening to it feels like sifting through fragments of someone else’s life, piecing together stories that don’t quite add up. Here’s the thing though: after spending hours lost in these haunted halls, I couldn’t help but think how weirdly hopeful it feels. Sure, it’s drenched in melancholy, but isn’t there something kind of freeing about letting go of clarity? About accepting that nothing stays intact forever? Maybe that’s what The Caretaker wants us to take away—that sometimes, the most human thing we can do is embrace the cracks. Or maybe he just wanted to freak people out. Either way, mission accomplished.

Table of Contents

Download

Filename: the-caretaker-selected-memories-from-the-haunted-ballroom.zip
  • MP3 size: 152.5 mb
  • FLAC size: 1267.5 mb

Tracks

TrackDurationPreview
From Out Of Nowhere3:45
The Haunted Ballroom3:44
"Excuse Me" For Ladies0:59
The Revolving Bandstand0:47
By The Seaside4:00
A Summer Romance3:05
In Days Of Old2:14
Untitled3:29
You And The Night3:12
Garden Of Weeds3:06
A Handful Of Stars3:34
Request Dance5:09
Thanks3:25
Disillusioned2:41
Dream Waltz3:29
Midnight, The Stars And You3:29
Den Of Iniquity2:45
September 19391:57
One Thousand Memories1:25
Friends Past Reunited2:00
Reckless Night3:02
Moonlight Seranade2:34
Haunting Me3:48
In The Dark3:02
Thronged With Ghosts3:48

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Catalog Numbers

OFFAL02

Labels

  • V/Vm Test Records, History Always Favours The Winners
  • V/Vm Test Records

Listen online

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  • ascolta in linea
  • écouter en ligne
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  • online luisteren

Formats

  • 25 × File
  • MP3
  • 320 kbps
  • CD
  • Album
  • FLAC
  • Promo

Credits

RoleCredit
Arranged ByThe Caretaker
Compiled ByThe Caretaker
ProducerThe Caretaker

Notes

  • Disc presented in plastic square-shaped zip-lock bag with paper inserts.
  • Track 25 is listed, but no title is given.
  • http://thecaretaker.bandcamp.com/album/selected-memories-from-the-haunted-ballroom
  • Labels and cat numbers per advice from artist
  • Track 25 is listed, but untitled on the release insert.

Barcodes

  • Matrix / Runout: OFFAL 02 MPO 01 @@@ 4 01
  • Mastering SID Code: IFPI L033
  • Mould SID Code: IFPI 1219

About The Caretaker

Concieved in 1999 as a side project to V/Vm, The Caretaker went on to be the longest-running and best known of James Kirby's many acts, and continued well after V/Vm's official end in 2008. Inspired by a scene from Stanley Kubrick's film version of "The Shining," the project took as its major source 78 RPM singles of ballroom recordings, treated with minimal effects compared to V/Vm's rapid-fire, often obliterative approach. Gradually, the project began to explore the theme of neurodegenerative illness, using the records themselves as a metaphor for the progressive failure of the human mind. This culminated in the six-part epic Everywhere At The End of Time, a fictional first-person account of early onset dementia told in surface noise, atmospherics, and snippets of worn-out records. After 20 years, the project ended with the conclusion of Everywhere... in 2019. Kirby continues to make music under his separate ongoing projects.

Real Name

    • James Kirby

Aliases

  • V/Vm
  • The Stranger
  • The Notorious P.I.G.
  • Billy Ray Cyrix
  • Butcher Claws
  • V/Vm And The Hog Chorus
  • V/Vm Allstar Marching Band
  • The Edgeley Musher
  • Leon And Hits
  • CV[ev]
  • Dr. Fred
  • vvMike Read
  • Bored In Columbia
  • Leyland Kirby
  • Loin-El Glitchie
  • Van Gaal
  • James Kirby

Interesting fact about Album

Did you know? The Caretaker's album *Selected Memories From The Haunted Ballroom* is like stepping into a ghostly time machine. Released in 1999, it blends classical and electronic sounds with eerie vibes of dark ambient and experimental techno. Each track feels like a fragmented memory from a bygone era—haunting yet strangely beautiful. Tracks like "One Thousand Memories" and "The Haunted Ballroom" sound like they’re playing through a dusty old gramophone, evoking nostalgia for moments you didn’t even live through. It’s music that lingers in your mind, like whispers from the past.