Speed Up: A Chaotic Joyride Through Germany’s Noisier Side (2014)
Alright, buckle up, because Speed Up by Various is not your grandma's playlist unless she's into industrial raves and hardcore noise benders. Released in 2014 under the Noiseaphonic label—because of course it was—this German beast dives headfirst into genres like Speedcore, Breakcore, Hardcore, and just plain old ear-melting chaos. If you're looking for chill vibes or something to play at a dinner party, this ain’t it. But if you want an album that feels like getting hit by a techno freight train while being chased by angry robots? Welcome home.
Let’s talk tracks. There are some real gems here, but two stood out to me like neon graffiti on a dark alley wall: "Faster Pussycat!speed!speed!speed!" and "Crying And Masturbating Like A Fat Girl On Prom Night."
First off, “Faster Pussycat!speed!speed!speed!”—what even is this title? It sounds like someone let their cat walk across their keyboard while they were high on Red Bull. But don’t let the absurd name fool ya; this track slaps harder than most things I’ve heard recently. Imagine a blender full of broken glass, distorted synths, and pure adrenaline poured straight into your ears. The beat hits so fast it makes you question whether time itself has sped up. By the end, my heart rate matched the BPM, which is probably illegal in several countries.
Then there’s “Crying And Masturbating Like A Fat Girl On Prom Night.” Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: "Did they really call it that?" Yup. They did. And honestly? It fits. This one starts with these haunting, glitchy tones that feel like sneaking through a haunted house where all the ghosts are also DJs. Then BAM—it drops into this chaotic mess of pounding drums and screeching samples that somehow still works. It’s messy, emotional, and kinda gross—but isn’t that life? Plus, the title alone guarantees it’ll stick in your brain forever. You’re welcome.
Other tracks like “Cold Turkey” and “Casus Belli” bring their own flavors of madness, but those two above stole the show for me. Honestly, trying to describe this album is like explaining quantum physics to a goldfish—it’s wild, confusing, and occasionally brilliant.
In conclusion, Speed Up isn’t for everyone. Hell, it might not even be for anyone. But if you love music that pushes boundaries until they snap, this record will slap you upside the head and leave you begging for more. Just remember: listening to this might void your warranty as a human being. Final thought? If Satan ever throws a rave, he’s definitely spinning this album. Or maybe he already did. Who knows?
